[x]

telling me you mean no harm.
telling me you really do feel better.
trying to protect yourself.
making people believe you are strong.
you feel no pain, i know it is just a shell.
underneath it is just a scared girl.
trying to fit in, trying not to stand out.
trying to make people believe.
your mask is hardened by your pain.
by your agony, by your tears.
tears that leave strains on your face.
tears that stain your exsistence

leave this town

It was the moment she said goodbye
She held me for the last time
Now you are gone, no one knows where to
No one sees the pain you've left behind
Just beyond the horizon you'll find her
All the pieces you have left behind
Welcome to the first day off the rest of your life
For the first time you opened your eyes
You saw this world for what it really was
Without the clouds of your anger
So you left this town, and all you knew
You left us all wondering why
When a single tear fell from your eye
It seems like only a moment ago
You laughed with us, loved us
Like there was no future no worries
You screamed without a sound
Now you see

trust me i'm making an effort.i smashed a plate today. the pieces went flying everywhere.

there is a point at which it doesn't make a difference anymore. i am better but better is not good enough and never ever will be.

i smashed a plate today. all the tempting big and little pieces had sharp edges.

there is a point at which i stop caring that i am bigger and better and stronger. this is the point where i can stop denying that i am beautiful because i don't even care anymore.

i didn't hurt myself because i would be letting too many people down.
it's a shame that they love me so much;

if they didn't, maybe this gut-wrenching fear wouldn't be so strong in the first p

Before

You don't talk to me
anymore.
Why?
I thought that you said,
No matter what happens,
we'll always be friends.

You're going to let this
stand in the way of our friendship?

What the hell?

It looks like I misjudged you.

But I can't say
that you don't have an excuse
for your actions.

You said that you loved me.
I said that I could not return your feelings.

Wouldn't it have been
more hurtful if I lied
and told you I loved you back?

Yet
maybe
there was some way
to soften the blow.

And I was too much of an idiot
to know how.

Do you blame me?
I'm sorry, I really am.
But you were the first person
who ever told me that.

I ju

I'm Sorry MommyPlease don't do it
I promise to be good
Just don't hurt me again
I promise not to talk anymore

Mommy I'm sorry
Please stop showing me the pictures
I know he is gone… I miss him too
Stop rubbing him in my face..

Mommy I'm sorry
I love you so much
Please stop hurting me…
Can't you see I'm already doing that

Mommy no…
Please don't give me the bottle..
I don't wanna drink tonight
I'm so sorry Mommy

Mommy please stop
Why do you do that?
Please leave my body alone..
I thought it was pretty before,,

Mommy why?
Why must you keep hurting me with your words?
They make the voices worse…
They tell me I'm such

I'm FineI'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Clearly you see that I'm not.

But really I'm fine.

Always have been.

But no I'm not.

I'm not fine.

Saying your fine means nothing.

It is a lie.

But I say it anyways.

It's all I can say.

To keep them away.

Because telling them won't help.

Because they don't understand.

Explainations won't do.

So I say those two words.

Just to keep them satisfied.

While my mind scream "I'M NOT FINE".

My lips are in a straight line.

I show no signs of being "not fine".

But that's just a mask.

So really, I'm not fine.

But I'll keep saying it.

I'll keep say

MaskShe wears long, baggy clothes
Because she says they're comfortable.

But roll up her sleeves
And you'll see nothing
But cuts and bruises.

The VoicesHow can you not understand
I just wish to take a different road
The one down under
Just for a little while

I would like to be alone with myself
And the voices inside my head
Can't you hear them?
They just want me to experiment

A couple of inhalants
Down a few bottles
Maybe even sniff a couple of lines
Just for the excitement

This life has become so dull
In this boring town
With the same 'ol surroundings
Nothing ever happens here

So lets take a turn
Maybe for the worse
Or even just for fun
I need to learn from my own mistakes

And not be told how to live my life by you
Unless you walk in these shoes
And live with th

Suicidal DreamsSometimes I wonder,
how it would be to just jump.

To feel my body crash against the worn stones,
with the summer heat still lingering in them.

To hear my bones snap with an indescribable sound,
disgusting, disturbing, forever scarring cracking.

To hear people scream,
but for once, I'd be able to breathe.

My soul won't be confined to this square world anymore.
I would finally feel the dark, soothing night sky against my skin.

Go AwayDon't break down those walls.
[I built them for a reason.]
Get away.
[Go away.]
I don't want to see reality.
[I don't want to see the shadows.]

Never Far ApartButterfly kisses on my neck
Hands dancing down my spine
Laughs bubbling in our kisses
Fingers weaving into my hair
Nips on my ears
Skin damp against skin
Heartbeats fluttering together

Stupid LieSticks...

"You're so ugly!"

and...

"Why do you even exist!?! No one likes you!"

stones..

"You're like a mixture of a human and a mutt!"

..may....

"And you wonder why people hate you!!!"

...break.....

"Nah!! Rather a mixture of rats, a guy, and and alien!!"

...my bones...

"Just get out of our lives Loser!!"

..BUT....

"I doubt your parents even love you!!!"

...WORDS.....

"I bet she was aborted ten times before some unfortunate couple was stuck with her"

....WILL......

"You'll die alone!!"

Killed with words.The world's weight is sometimes too much to carry.
I realize that you're there for me,
but I've got everything resting on my shoulders.

Breathing would be nice to do, but I'm trapped beneath the water.
I plead with nothing as I suck the water into my e x p a n d i n g lungs.
It's stealing my life right out of my hands.

Our friend was broken, no, shattered at my feet; like a fool I try to fix it.
I needed you once, seems like a lifetime again when things were pretty.
A lifetime again when you left my with deep wounds inflicted on my heart.

Sometimes picking up a pen and writing all the hurt and saying goodbye looks nice.
Just think:

Stuck In A RutI dry all my tears
and try to stop crying
I may seem collected
but inside im dying

Every day i wake up
with the same old attitude
each day i live is exactly the same
so bleak and subdued

When life brings me down
the volume goes up
my life's never changing
I'm stuck in a rut

The lack of exceptance
is what gets me down
Im never happy
I only frown.

Right now my life sucks
it'll only get worse
every moments predictable
as if my life was rehearsed

Fuck everything
I dont even care
my soul is just broken
it cant be repaired.

Every minute of my exsistence
is such a bore
nothing good ever hap

White RabbitWith a small click and a loud boom
You made a choice
That maybe
Maybe it was right
Saying goodbye in a letter too short
A letter much too long
Never once placing the blame

Grasp your pillow
Hold on tight
Kiss the night air
Maybe everything will be alright
Promise the sun with shine
When the day comes to say goodbye
No tears, No fear, because it feels right

Tried too hard
Tried too late
Nothing left to hide behind
Wishing on an already fallen star
Wishing for things to be different
Wishing for things to be okay once more

Just one more time bang on my door
Asking for nothing but always needing something more
Don't let me

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More from ~Maseater

strangers in paradisei feel so alone and out of touch
like there is nothing left to feel
so i keep a longing eye out for you
because i was wrong in all the right ways
i felt love through these flames
i found a home in all that's left
the stars shine through my soul
lighting what i feel for you
it is so strong i can not fight
it is so weak it might just break
and shatter me with it
as it breaks and falls apart
because i will never be, never be
anything but words. for you to hear
more than love. for you to find
kill me with this curse
as i walk across
recognise me before i fall
to depths unknown
carry me away, from all the pain
i do not feel

got the life

Faceless i walk through god's country
Broken down bent by strong winds
My concreed heart is beating
I can not surrender or forgive
I try to forget and come around
I learned to live and to smile
The fire burns in my heart
It burns in my soul
I can not apologize
Even through it all
I am still alive
And i will never forgive
I will never forget
I am still alive

Remembering yesterdayThe rain streaming all around me
I remember how i used to hold you
You would ask me never to let go
And i would assure you i wouldn't
I remember how we used to laugh
How we used to cry and comfort
I remember how we used to be
But we grew appart, and how i fucked up
I made my biggest misstake ever
I let you slip from my arms
Told you it was me, not you
I remember you used to say
"don't let me go, just promise you won't"

help mehello?

is anybody there?

is anyone here to help me.

anyone to get me out of this madness?

no? is there nobody here to guide me?

am i all alone here?

just me and my thoughts?

waiting for somebody to call my name

showing they care, showing they love

i guess not, i am just as alone as always.

Dear meganOpen up your eyes and see the single rose i send you.
See the rain as it falls down from the sky
I will do the same and we will be together in a moment
A million miles away, and a heartache to stay
I've been standing in this rain, waiting for you.
So can you hear me when i call your name?
But i slowly turn around and walk away
From the distance doing us part
And i just thought that you should know
That i will forever be here to help you and be your friend
So take my hand and lets watch the world fold
So we can reach out and finally meet.
To hold eachother and forget our worries for just a short moment
A moment of perfect serenit

Why?As i gaze upon the shores of her soul, i see myself wondering why it happened.
As i turn and walk by slowly, i fall to my knees and cry for it to stop.
I scream for it to end. I carved STOP in my arms and spelled it with my blood.
Crying and screaming i stood there and listened to the voices yelling at me.
I felt so alone, so abandoned. Kill me please so i can put this behind me.
Kill me please so i can hurt you no more

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you

by ~Maseater, May 3, 2011, 8:28:19 AM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

the soft sound of a silent scream
tore through my soul, left me beaten
like a fallen angel with wings broken
broken by your anger
every cry lasted a lifetime
every fight took a piece of me
every scar reminds me...
of how we once were, we loved.
i let my heart build me a road
and it led straight back to you.
i let my sorrow build me a staircase
which led me back in your embrace
the stories tell of a broken man
they tell of how something bad
can turn into something amazing
how a broken heart can be rebuild
how lost trust can be found again.
how even the darkest nights end
and the sun will shine again, but not for me.
for me the sun only shows my fear
of how i will lose you, one day
of how i will make a mistake that will end it
no matter how hard i try
no matter how hard i fight
i never seem to understand why.
why you hate me, why you love me?
maybe it is best to leave me
to never see me again
just to protect you from my pain
just leave me be, leave me with all i am
all my missery, all my mistakes.